2007-11-04

Sleeping dogs.

Tom is working nights, so I have the evenings to give the dog a bath, clean floors, watch my shows, read, work... mostly work.

This would be a really good time to get out a paper journal and start processing what's happened over the past few months. This past Thursday brought another mind-boggling event in the self-limiting (I hope) saga, and it's yielding some surprising results.

I don't know what to think. I found myself standing in the kitchen today feeling like Alice after she'd eaten a morsel that changed her size. One way of thinking prevailed for so long, and a new one came so unexpectedly that I'm a little disoriented. This thing that's happening after the tragic, shocking thing is a good thing, right? This is bringing me back to humanity, compassion, kindness... or to getting it in the ass again. One never knows.

We had a long talk about expectations, loving with boundaries, forgiving with the understanding that there are serious limits to our trust. What I don't want is to keep walls up or make the "you will never do this to us again" vows. Nor do I want to look at people's brokenness and make excuses for them when they mistreat us.

It isn't simple, and it won't be easy. However, in the midst of fearing the worst, I have a sense that we're proceeding in the right direction. Here's hoping for wisdom and protection as we go forward.

susabeth at 9:54 p.m.

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